A very good pker!

FIRST AND ONLY CHAPTER


There was once a lvl 45 who was a very good pker who killed lvl 50s!!!(Not so remarkable.) But anyways he saw this cool dude with full rune and a hot dog whip it looked like. So he fought him and the lvl 45 recieved a terrible death while skulled. So in Lumby he found full steel on the ground so he says "WOW!!!! I can't believe someone could drop so much".(But little did he know he was at a drop party.) So when he knew what drop partys were he got like 55m from them each time.(Thats remarkable.) So there he was he bought a hot dog whip.(Then he figured out it was abbysal whip.) He couldn't weild it so he sold it. Instead he got a granite maul(He was now lvl 50) and full rune and then headed toward the wildy.







He saw the ditch it had then and said "COOL!!!!!!" So he went across and back and forth and found it entertaining. But then he realized he had too start pking and it was the bloodiest battle of all!!!!!!



This the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate destiny! Good Guys, Bad Guys and Explosions. There can only be one winner I wonder it will be.





It lasted a century but finally the Winner stood, Zezima in a bloodstained full rune and an abbysal whip in his hand.



The Varrock gaurds stopped to watch and didnt even fight back when people attacked them. They were too busy watching The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny.



Then Zezima stood as The Best as everyone wished they could be Zezima, Zezima The Mighty.




The End Hope you liked it! If theres any spag tell me. (This is better then the choobish lvl 126)

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'Ello im new these are my post and stories!!!:)

No, it's not. It has no originality, the SPAG is terrible, and the huge spaces are not needed. Adding to that the relative shortness and the lack of detail and you have first-rate crap. Your English teacher must be spinning in his or her grave. I could post something longer than that story on all the mistakes you made. Even your signature has horrible SPAG. Score: 0/10.

Some constructive criticism:
Don't use the parentheses. You're using them wrong, and they just detract from the overall story.
Put all stories through Microsoft Word before posting them to solve spelling errors.
Don't make references to meta-game things (levels, gamer slang, etc.). This just detracts from the overall story as well.
Name all major characters.
Do not use extremely well-known characters (like Zezima) in your stories as major characters. Be creative and make up your own characters.
Lastly, one exclamation mark will suffice. There's no need to have three...or five.

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Tahu 1000 - Former Member

You know, just agreeing with someone and saying you do really doesn't constitute as a great post.

I agree... ~Tweedy

Anyways, I have a few tips.

First of all, it seems that you're posting "stories" rather quickly. A good story takes TIME. You have to plot it out, think about it. Think about who your main character is, and what he/she experiences. Take the time to think out a good plot before you post it, it will make all the difference. If you get an idea, write a bit of it out, or make a rough draft and see how it is. If it appears rather dull or uninspired, try reworking it to really make it your vision. As of now, it seems you're stories consist of purely runescape adventures(normal ones, at that). This may seem strange for me to say this, as this is a runescape fan site but try to DRIFT away from this. Runescape is a large world, expand it and make it your own rather than retelling something that's happening in runescape.

Tahu left some important tips as well, but you have to have a story before you work on the spelling, punctuation, and grammar.

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I do think he has a story here. A bit of a story... Take the basic premise, add to it (a lot), and then expand on that some more, and you might get a basic plot. And that's stretching it. However, that's me, trying to read through the horrible SPAG. If your SPAG is so bad that it's near impossible to read, then people can't give as much constructive criticism. I think SPAG is the most important part of a story as far as critiquing goes, as without it all you get is criticism about horrible SPAG.

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Tahu 1000 - Former Member

Just because i have SPAG. Post some nice things ok anyone that just say major SPAG is a noob!!!(i live in Wisconsin it said your Paladin of Wisconsin.)

Don't double post please. ~Tweedy

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'Ello im new these are my post and stories!!!:)

Don't double post!

You shouldn't say people are noobs just because they coment on your SPAG. That isn't nice.

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...

http://www.ultimateshowdown.org/

He just copied this in a real... terrible way.

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Feel free to add me on Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/Topsummoner

Join us at the RV Discord Channel: https://discord.gg/DgtPWPM

Just because you... wha? Seriously, type in PROPER ENGLISH. And we don't say you have major SPAG, we say you have major SPAG problems. Your stories aren't going to be taken any bit seriously if you talk like that.

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Goten is dead!

To be honest, nobody takes his stories seriously now, and it's not just because of the SPAG.

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Blatant plagiarism and horrible SPAG errors... On top of that, they're short and full of meta-game references. I say we boot him back to writing school.

Oh, and just because you live in Wisconsin doesn't mean I have to automatically like anything you write. You're a disgrace the Wisconsin, now go move somewhere else. NOW.

Mods, request permisssion to spam on all stories posted by Gavman.

Also, please close this.

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Tahu 1000 - Former Member

Constructive criticism is needed, not ad hominem attacks. I appreciate that he is starting at a lower level (in terms of story writing abilities) than most of you here. However, with time he will develop. To do this he needs constructive criticism and encouragement. All of you started your story writing somewhere...give him a chance.


No


For the time being I will leave this open.

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Faint as a will o' the wisp
Crazy as a loon
Sad as a gypsy serenading the moon

I can see he's starting at a lower level. But even people who can barely write (stuff like "See Spot run") can run it through Microsoft Word for spelling errors. He can at least pay attention to basic sentence structure.

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Tahu 1000 - Former Member