>> use FOOT on SPIDER

No way, man! That thing would just evade your foot and then run up your pant leg!

>> equip STAPLER
>> fire STAPLE at SPIDER

You equip your STAPLER. You embrace the cold, pink steel and double-check to see that its ammo is loaded. Instinctively, you fire a STAPLE at the SPIDER, leaving you with 6 STAPLES of ammunition left.

Somehow you manage to make the STAPLE actually hit the SPIDER, making it dizzy and lowering its already-miniscule HP by 51%.

The SPIDER attempts to counter-attack but is too far away. It begins closing in on you!

>> Throw STAPLER at SPIDER

The STAPLER is your equipped weapon! It doesn't seem like a good idea to just chuck it. That's like someone throwing a HANDGUN at SUPERMAN without ever firing a BULLET!

>> Talk to spider
>> Bribe Spider to leave you alone.

You try to console the SPIDER and offer it one of your ONE-DOLLAR BILLS, but it keeps coming closer to you. Darn the luck, your offer must be too low!

>> Ask the magic 8-ball how to defeat the Spider.

You quickly shake your MAGIC 8-BALL and look at its underside. You swear you've never seen a message like that before, but hey, if the MAGIC 8-BALL suggested it, it's probably a good idea, right? Right. (...Probably.)

>> Fold one of the $1 bills into an origami sword and use it to fight the SPIDER

You put the STAPLER back in your inventory for later use, and whip out one of your three ONE-DOLLAR BILLS. With lightning-fast origami reflexes gained from six months of not doing work, you fashion it into an ORIGAMI DOLLAR SWORD and equip it. You're surely a force to be reckoned with now! That SPIDER's doomed for sure. All you need now is a cool finishing move...