Comic/manga project

ZxC · **Posted:** August 9th, 2008, 10:54 am

**Note to mods: not sure if this is the right forum so please move if necessary.

Hey guys, as some of you might know, I've had this idea to make a comic/manga series for quite a while now, although I haven't worked on it much.
Well, since the start of this I've been focusing much more on the graphical part instead of the storytelling, which I realize now should be my main concern. Recently I've started working on the first few pages but I quickly came to see I lacked a clear sense of where I was going. I have a general plot line in mind, but nothing really specific.

So, the point of this post is to ask for help from you talented story writers. I'm not asking someone to become a permanent writer tho, I'd just like if some people could bring interesting ideas.

So before getting into more specific stuff, let me talk a bit about this project

The settings

Hidden:

The characters

Hidden:

The story

Hidden:

So, I need help with the parts in [] and the rest of the story. I know it may sound big like that but what I really want are some ideas, not you going and writing a whole episode.

Some general pointers:

-Derek should enter the society Lucia is part of.
-He'll be quickly dragged into dangerous situations
-Other characters should appear, and probably one of his acquaintances from his past life.
-Naturally, I want a story which has many unexpected plot twists and a good pace of action.
-No obvious love story between Derek and Lucia. They may get closer to each other over time, but nothing obvious. Can't really think of a good way to say it lol.

I know it may sound a bit vague, and it is. So feel free to write anything you'd like and if I find your idea good I may pick it up.
Naturally you'll be credited if I do.

Thanks.

Ross · **Posted:** August 19th, 2008, 2:54 am

I think you are a bit too close to many, many anime cliches, like the romance that's not really a romance, the typical boring life of a character before some secret society stumbles upon them and they get involved in it, etc.

But I like your art style and stuff overall. Now, I'm personally of the opinion that things should be concise and eventful. I don't like how some series like Naruto drag out fights where nothing plot related happens for chapters and chapters or how there's a lot of filler.

So, I was a bit bored, wrote up like, the first 3-4 pages of dialogue for it maybe. I'll admit it kind of sucks, but I think what's important is to keep a slight humor element in there. It's good for the story to get serious at times, but the seriousness of the main character would be taken by the reader much more seriously if he's normally not so serious and only becomes serious sometimes.

Anyway, here's what I got:

Quote:

*dark shady interrogation room*
*silhouette sitting in a chair, relaxed pose*
Who are you?
An orphan.

What do you do?
Electronics repair at a shop.

*squeak*

Do you feel alone?
No, I've got a second father.

Who?
The owner of the shop.

*squeak*

Why are you here?
You saved me.

What is your name?
Derek. *badass closeup of eye*

Do you know why your here?
...
You saved us.
*squeak*

You might be wondering how I got into this squeaky mess of an interrogation chair... Well, I'll make this short.
*set of chibi cartoon diagrams*
See, first I was a normal baby like everyone else... *baby*
Then there was a pointless war and my parents died. *explosion*
I was still a normal baby on the outside, but as I grew up in an orphanage I had no parental guidance whatsoever. *kid standing alone*
I ended up trying to be a badass rebel. *funny sketches of him doing things like ditching class, graffiti*
The owner of the electronics shop took me in from the shelter as his apprentice at 16, and I've been living there for the past three years. *sketch of him working happily in electronics shop*
I'm now a totally normal human being. ^^ In fact, I'm often the most agreeable person I know.

*out of flashback/chibi*
Do you think you're clever squeaking that chair like that?
No sir, I believe it is squeaking itself.

Are you suggesting the chair is alive? Is that normal for where you come from?
It would be if I came from an insane asylum.

And do you come from an insane asylum?
No sir, I come from an orphan asylum.

Yes, I believe you've told me that...
Indeed I have, sir.

Sir?
Yes?

Can I get a cape?
...and why exactly do you need a cape.

I don't need one, sir, I just want one. I've always imagined myself wearing a cape the day I joined a top secret vigilante group fighting to stop war.

*sigh* This interrogation's over.
*turns to girl* Lucia, get him out of here. -.-

---------------walking away from room
Lucia: "...are you high?"

Why would you think that, miss?

Are you telling me that brain-damage is natural?

Hey, I think I make as much sense as the concept of fighting to end fighting. God, I feel like I'm in a comic book or something, that's how shaky the very logical foundations of your entire organization are.

...

What kind of nutjobs you got running this place if you couldn't figure that out within the first five minutes of being founded?

Perhaps you're right... but you should know... to risk their life for a naive cause like ours... with almost no hope of succeeding... one can't be anything but insane.

Yeah, I compressed what could be like a whole story arc into 5 or so lines of dialogue. That's because maybe you have an awesome idea later on in the story, but no one will get to it if you force them to go through chapters and chapters of normal boring life before something actually happens. Just because your main character has a boring life doesn't mean we should hear about every detail about it. ^_^;

At least not yet, there's always room for flashbacks later at opportune moments.

ZxC · **Posted:** August 19th, 2008, 8:22 am

That's why I'm asking for help. I'm pretty bad at writing and I end up falling into cliches pretty quickly.
That being said it's nearly impossible to break from the current archetypes nowadays.
In terms of length, I think the *boring life* part would occupy about 1/4 of the first chapter, I didn't plan to make it too long.
I agree with you about humor, I love when there's a super serious atmosphere and then something randomly pops out lol.
Although your chibi drawings things makes me think too much of Rukia Kuchigi

I was thinking that maybe this society shouldn't be secret after all, but maybe that the population doesn't really know what they're up to.
Also working on a new character which would be Derek's friend, and then they get separated because his friend enters the army. And then perhaps a confrontation between them could occur later.

But thanks for the help.

Wolfwood · **Posted:** August 31st, 2008, 12:16 am

well ross i think that thats a great idea and that you have a great imagination! ^_^

ZxC! you have a great plot outline but like ross said, it's pretty cliche'd. i'm not really a serious writer and this kindas sounds liek a serious story. my comic... manga style art but made like a comic, is funny and sometimes cliche'd, like one of the main characters has 2 personalities -_-

think air gear, bleach, death note, and many others :OOOO

cliches aren't that bad if you do them right. and don't have a lot of them. overall i would avoid them if possible. but some cliches can be fun! ^_^

can't wait ti'll it's gettin' goin'!!!!!! keep at it!

EDIT: i just realised you spelled it rukia kuchigi :O it's kuchiki!!!! >:O and it can be derek AS the chibi doing the actions. i think thats what ross was thinking of.

ZxC · **Posted:** August 31st, 2008, 8:18 pm

It is nearly impossible to break from archetypes, trust me on that. I read a book on personalities of comic/manga characters, and they had this chart listing a whole bunch of them. I read them all, easily identifying some anime or comic series to one as I was going, and then at the end I was left thinking: Um, well what's left? They listed pretty much every possibility.

I think it doesn't matter if your character identifies to a popular type of behavior. What matters is the plot line and how the story evolves. As you guys said on that matter, I wasn't very original and I'm currently brainstorming on new ideas, which I will eventually write down and post here.

Until then, feel free to post yours.

Znath · **Posted:** September 5th, 2008, 12:09 am

Yea, it's hard to make "totally original" characters, since in many cases, people really do
tend to follow "types" of people. It seems oddly judgmental at first,
but it does tend to be true in many ways. So then if you make up a character
that totally doesn't follow any type, it looks odd or crazy.

I'd base things off of what you've seen in the past, or people you know.
Mix and match a bit on personalities and then it usually comes together.

ZxC · **Posted:** September 5th, 2008, 4:16 pm

Here's a rough test for p1, very time consuming.

Ross · **Posted:** September 15th, 2008, 2:01 am

I really like the art style, definitely looks original, at least to me. The cliche dialogue is still pretty cliche though. I think that's the only thing that you could improve.

Maybe try to start smaller, like make one issue with a self-contained plotline with one original idea, that you could then extend. Trying to stuff all your original ideas into a single master work doesn't really let the reader focus on any specific one. Often you have this really epic feeling within you, and in your imagination something is the best story ever, but that blinds you into taking it too seriously. When I read the dialogue of the main character, I feel I have to brace myself for what will be nonstop complaints about the difficulties in his life.

I already know enough people who compain about their problems in real life, who think nothing is simple. The ones who really amaze me are the ones who have worse problems than all the emo complainers, real problems that you'd think only happen on TV or in comics like this, and then still manage to talk about them while smiling, still manage to laugh and actually cheer the complainers up, without telling the complainers how much worse their own problems are.

A hero like that, I would want to read about. Hell, he'd be a hero without any additional powers or weapons at that point.

Sorry if it's too much advice again ^^"
Just felt bored, I really don't want to do my homework...

ZxC · **Posted:** September 15th, 2008, 5:50 am

Hmm. The more I look at it, the more I'm starting to see I will never have enough free time for this kind of stuff. So if it progresses it will be pretty slowly.
As for the dialogue of this page, I'm pretty sure it will stay like that.
I don't plan to make him a character that complains a lot. Just a little, and mostly to himself.

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