Hey everyone, I don't write this here to gain sympathy or have you all feel sorry for me, I write this here simply because I needed somewhere to write it, and someone to share with.

July 1st, 2011, was the day everything began..

I had known this girl for a few months, but only as one of my close friends cousins. I had only talked to her a few times for small things.

On the evening of July 1st, my friends and I went to a rave, this girl was also at the event.

Although we only talked for a total of 5 minutes at the rave, after she had left, she messaged me on facebook. This, sparked a chain of events that caused me much happiness, and pain.

She was leaving the next morning to Florida for 2 weeks. During these 2 weeks, we were messaging each other on facebook, and we decided that when she came back, we would go out bowling.

She came back, and a couple days later we went bowling, and then went to the mall and simply walked for what seemed like hours, just talking. We sat back in my car and continued talking until we finally decided to go home.. this was, one of the best days of my life. We made a connection. We were so similar. She was into the same things I was, technology, computers, everything. Although I wasn't completely sure at the time, I was beginning to think that this girl could be something.

A couple days later we went out again, this time to watch the last Harry Potter movie (a series we both love).

A few days later I was at a party and she texted me, telling me how she had done soft, now this wasn't a big shocker to me as she had done soft before, but it made me feel.. different.. I didn't want her to do it.. it was this night that I figured out that I actually cared for her..

After this she began to come out with my friends and I. She started becoming friends with all of my friends.

So, eventually, I told her how I felt about her. She told me she loved me, but not the same way i loved her, and she didn't think it was possible for that to ever change.

I tried to get over her, but it was hard, she was around all the time. She had become friends with all of my friends. She was part of my life whether I wanted her to be or not, but I did want her to be. I didn't want to lose her. There were many nights when I couldn't fall asleep because I was thinking about what I did wrong, what I didn't show her. It angered me. Angered me so much that often I'd have hostile thoughts towards her. By hostile I mean thoughts of strangling.. bludgeoning.. stabbing.. her. But not because we couldn't be together, trust me I'm not that crazy. But because it felt like I was part of a huge game.

So a couple nights ago.. I told her. I told her how I felt like taking life away, and before i even said her name she knew it was about her. She listened to everything I said.. and then told me that she believes she's a psychopath..

She sent me some links, and explained to me what a psychopath was.. I instantly felt like my whole relation with her was a lie. I felt like stabbing her in the throat. I even told her that the thought of her smile made me want to stab her.

She said to me:
" i care about you too much to let this go on any longer. you have such a pure heart, sooo much love to give, as much as id kill to be able to give you that i cant. this is so hard...there's some one more perfect for you than i am, be excited to find her one day. i just saw your twitter post, dont think for a second you're worthless to me if you were i wouldn't be talkinng to you. i wouldn't be crying so much.i think about summer everyday. it was so easy to be with you and talk to you. i didn't need to be anyone but myself. for the first time in years. ill remember that forever."


and when I asked her why she didn't tell me earlier..
"i wasn't totally sure till yesterday...it's not something i was too enthusiastic to look into..
id rather be blissfully unaware of wtf is wrong with me than find out im a hopeless cause"

to which I replied: "understandable"

and then she said: "its funny how we hurt the people we care about the most"

and the last words I said to her were.. "Yeah .. I guess that's just how it goes"


my friend, her, and I. Last photo had taken together.


I know I may be young, only 18. But I think I loved her.

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THANKS STALE & OWNAGE <3<3<3

Bitches be crazy....
But yeah, women who give you the run around arn't worth your time. I've had a couple of hard relationships so I can sympathize with you.

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Crazy people don't think they're crazy.

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<3 sammich
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these are all links she told me to look at when she was breaking the news to me:

http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html
http://anjalichugh.hubpages.com/hub/psychopathic-lover
http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/i-psychopath/
http://www.psychopathicwritings.com/201 ... paths.html THIS ONE
FIRST

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THANKS STALE & OWNAGE <3<3<3

Here is some hard fought advice from me, that I wish I'd known earlier.

If you have feelings for a girl, you tell her, and she replies in the negative - Cut her out of your life. Don't answer her texts, phone calls, Facebook messages, organise outings with your friends that don't involve her, etc.

She either cracks and falls for you, or she wont go out with you. Either way, you're no worse off than you are now.

In this case I'd say she's just a massive bitch. "Oh haha I'm a psychopath.". That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.

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I've got 99 problems, but a... oh, wait.

But really..

You don't wana deal with her, she's wasting your time and energy and it doesn't seem like she knows what she wants and those types of girls are the worst. Seriously, you get nothing out of them, and you waste your time writing these longass posts and over thinking and analyzing things, tryna pieces things together and figure out where you went wrong with her when you can be doing something productive for yourself.

You expressed interest and she turned you down. Don't be killing yourself over this and be all upset shes telling you she's a psycho, but thinks about you and knows you're a kind individual with lots of love to give, etc. She's just screwing with you, weather she knows it or not.

It's ridiculous how some girl can come into your life and turn it all upside when there are more important things to worry about.

It took me a while realize what I just posted, and you gotta understand that, too. You never even dated her, and you're losing sleep over her. Damn. Sleep be important, bro. Levels above some chick who says shes a psycho and makes you think about killing.

-Phat

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PoopbaLL`

This girl sounds like your average flighty teenage broad who wants to believe there's something wrong with her in order to rationalize her self-esteem issues.

You, on the other hand, sound like a bit of a psychopath. Feeling violent tendencies for someone you care about is extremely unhealthy and, if you're not already seeing a therapist, I'd suggest looking into it. I don't mean this as anything offensive, just a genuine observation.

Anyway, I'd say distance yourself from her. I know it's hard, but from what you've said it sounds like, even if you managed a relationship with her, it wouldn't be healthy for either party. The sooner you cut ties, the sooner you can move on; Time is the biggest factor in getting over a lost love.

Actually that kind of thing is fairly normal in this manner of situation. It's not really of issue until there's actual compulsion to act upon such emotions.

Also, she's not a psychopath. End of story.

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Imagine a perfect beach
Without a mermaid
Imagine a perfect hideaway
Without a time
Imagine a perfect Eden
Without a friend, without a serpent
"Feeling lonely and content at the same time,
I believe, is a rare kind of happiness"

Sorry to hear your hurt.

But on the bright side! chicks suck, and the beer is cold.
Enjoy

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Ead I don't think you're the person to consult on the normality of violent compulsions.

Brilliant refutation, I am sure.

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Imagine a perfect beach
Without a mermaid
Imagine a perfect hideaway
Without a time
Imagine a perfect Eden
Without a friend, without a serpent
"Feeling lonely and content at the same time,
I believe, is a rare kind of happiness"

Some of the truest words I've ever read.

I feel you, man. I was with a girl for four and a half years, I thought this was it. We had a baby girl together, then she cheated on me...with another woman. She then proceeded to dump me for that woman. Wanna talk about psycho? She said she would have never thought of cheating on me had we been engaged. We were juniors in college.

Long story short, don't put up with any garbage from girls (or guys), especially if you're young. It's hard to think about your feelings, or actions, but it's a must if you want to look out for yourself in the long run. I'm not much older than most people here, a week from turning twenty-two, but already I'm able to look back and laugh at some of the frivolous things I did and relationships I had that seemed like a big deal at the time.

Take it from a guy who knows exactly how you feel, times a hundred bajilion: this might seem like the end of the world, or at the very least, it hurts a lot...but take some solace in the fact that in a few months (or perhaps years) this isn't going to matter at all. It'll be a fleeting memory at most.

For reference, what's 'soft'? Slang for some kind of drug...?

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I googled it, and it was powdered cocaine as opposed to crack cocaine.

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Great solution to women:



There's side effects, yes, but no dealing with crazy people

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Penguinguy told me what a signshur was.

... Normal for who? Absolutely zero of my friends, in any of their relationship's problems, break-ups, and lows, have felt such violent desires.

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Goten is dead!

Ehhh...this isn't something I like to talk about, and indeed...there are perhaps two people in the world who know this about me, but I've had such urges. Like, really, really bad ones. Violently explicit ones. Especially with my previous girlfriend, the aforementioned; long before our relationship went to shambles. I've had such thoughts about my baby girl as well, it felt like a weird post-partem thing for guys. I've only had these with my current girlfriend when I was taking some medicine that seemed to cause strange mood swings.

The bottom line is I haven't the time, money, or insurance for a therapist. Though there are ones I could see for free, that would involve valuable time and jumping through a bunch of hoops that I don't want to jump through. Though these thoughts disturb me when they happen and I sometimes feel I can't control them (the THOUGHTS, not ACTIONS), they don't come often. I've never abused anyone, nor will I ever, and I'm confident in this fact. I fully understand the consequences of such actions and would never commit such crimes.

I wouldn't label these feelings as normal, but I DO believe everyone has them perhaps once in a great while. Everyone who's thought "man, I'd love to kill that person..." or beat them up, or teach them a lesson; is guilty of it to a degree. An overactive imagination or especial loathing might take the thought to another level. I guess I'm just trying to let Kainth know he's not alone, and let Ead know he's not entirely insane (yet).

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Convince yourself you're a homosexual. Problem solved.

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I agree and I disagree. I very rarely have violent impulses for another human being - The only times being if someone is putting someone else in immediate danger. That's not to say I don't feel like punching a wall now and again, which I do and have, but that is my personal way of directing anger away from people. The severity/frequency of violent impulses may have something to do with testosterone or whatever, so it may be genetic, but it never hurts to try to get a better handle on these things.

My main point in what I said earlier wasn't so much that it's not normal (I assumed such from my own experiences and perception, but I don't have any statistics or anything to back that up), but that it's not healthy. That's the main thing. If you have urges to cause extreme physical harm to someone over emotional distress, that has the potential to progress into a more broadened range of emotional ques and become a much more appealing way of handling that distress. While it may not be an immediately impending reality, it can develop over time if you don't learn to express and deal with that emotional distress in a more controlled and healthy manner.

Maybe I've been reading too many psychology books but that particular part of Kainth's post just rubbed me oddly, is all. But on this subject, I think two quotes can sum it up;




As long as you're capable of identifying that such thoughts/actions are unhealthy, you probably have a good control on them. It wouldn't hurt to explore these things with a therapist if you can afford one, but you're likely not any threat to anyone.

Do said books mention anything about how unrequited love can foster strong resentment, or how men will often behaviourally manifest depression as anger? This is especially the case in western/individualist societies.

That was my point; I wasn't alluding to any personal experiences. I'm highly well-read myself, in case you're wondering. Frankly, any personal issues I may have had in my rather downtrodden life are nobody's sodding business if I so choose, and more importantly have absolutely nothing to do with this discussion.

Also, I've never heard "soft" as a term for cocaine before; is that new?

__________________

Imagine a perfect beach
Without a mermaid
Imagine a perfect hideaway
Without a time
Imagine a perfect Eden
Without a friend, without a serpent
"Feeling lonely and content at the same time,
I believe, is a rare kind of happiness"

I have said thoughts regularly. I can quite clearly picture in my head smashing numerous peoples heads/faces/bodies in. I have the occasional dream where I kill someone by beating them to death. My ex (Who I'm sleeping with) has a friend who has said he wants to kick my teeth in, I've basically told her to relay a message to him for him to try it just because I would love to have the opportunity to punch someone continuously and I'd feel even better about it if they started it. I refuse to start said beating despite having the urge, but I damn well want to.

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