Although, most of the sentences near the beginning and the end seem really short (4-6 words apiece), perhaps you could join two of them together? For example,
"Russell was a high school student. He was often made fun of."
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"Russell was a high school student, one that was often made fun of."
"He stopped a foot away from the bolt. He reached out a hand."
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"He stopped a foot away from the bolt and slowly reached out to it."
?Statistics: Posted by Saten Ruiko — September 16th, 2008, 9:48 pm
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"The black lightningbolt just remained in the hallway." This is a quote I love and hate. On the one hand, you get the idea of the lightning bolt just hovering, on the other, it is sort of a mystery as to what it is doing. I would have like another sentence that kind of described the lightning bolt, while maintaining that mysterious feel. Keep it up
Statistics: Posted by Earl of March — September 16th, 2008, 8:48 pm
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This story will be a few chapters.
Chapter one: The Black bolt: Russell was a high school student. He was often made fun of. As he walked through the hallways of his school, people called out to him. An older student shouted, "Hey! Its the weird kid!" A youger student saw him, and said to his friends, "Hey, look, its the Zombie Man." Russell just ignored all of their comments. Suddenly, a roar of thunder shook the building, and a bolt of black lightning pierced through the ceiling. The black lightningbolt just remained in the hallway. Students started gathering around it. Russell was mesmerized. He started walking towards it. As he entered the center of the circle of students, they shouted, "Hey, what are you doing, stay away from that!" Russell just kept walking. He stopped a foot away from the bolt. He reached out a hand. He stopped his hand an inch away from the bolt. He took a deep breath, and plunged his hand in.
Statistics: Posted by Rat King — September 15th, 2008, 3:56 pm
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