S01E01 ParkScape - Authoritah
Disclaimer – All characters and events in this skit are entirely fictional.
Setting: Stan, Kyle and Kenny are mining in the Dwarvern Mine
Kyle: Did you guys read about that God War update?
Stan: It looked super lame, but I want that God Sword so bad.
Kyle: Yea, it looks pretty cool but it definately isn’t worth 100m, just think how many noobs you could help. Plus you know we can’t get that kind of money.
Kenny: [mumbles].
Stan: It's totally worth it, you’d make it back duelling in no time.
[Eric logs in.]
Kyle: Why are you so late lardo, was their a sale on bacon at the general store?
Eric:
noob!!! I was up to 3 in the morning reporting autoers. Stan: Why were you doing that, autoers keep everything cheap.
Eric: I know I love autoers, but I really want to become a Player Mod and they are the easiest thing to report.
Kyle: You’ll never become a P-Mod, you have more black marks than any of us. Don’t you remember when you got muted for trying to scam token by selling him rare chicken for 100k.
Stan: Not to mention Jagex doesn’t let F2P people become P-Mods.
Kyle: Or Drop-Trading cheaters.
[Eric reports Kyle for offensive language.]
Eric: You have offended me Kyle, and I must report you.
Kyle: That’s called abusing the report system r-tard.
Eric: Screw you guys, I’m gonna report some more autoers.
[Eric teleports to Varrock.]
Setting: Varrock Yew Trees
Eric: aclick663 you have just broken the rules.
[Eric reports aclick663 for being an autoer.]
Eric: sdfguht5 you have just broken the rules.
[Eric reports sdfguht5 for being an autoer.]
Eric: mfaght3 you have just broken the rules.
[Eric reports mfaght3 for being an autoer.]
[Time goes in fast forward, you can see the Moon and Sun pass by to account for two days.]
Setting: Mr.. Garrison’s classroom in Varrock Castle 2nd Floor
Mr. Garrison: And so you see kids that’s why paper hats are actually worth millions of gold pieces.
Kyle: That doesn’t make any sense, how does Zezima banning you from his friends list have anything to do with the economy?
Mr. Garrison: DON’T MENTION HIS NAME IN THIS CLASSROOM!!!!
[Eric bursts through the doorway.]
Mr. Garrison: Eric, why are you so late. Don’t tell me you got “caught” in another random event again.
Eric: Quite the contrary, I was out doing important Player Mod stuff. Kyle: SOAB!
Eric: Kyle, you know what that 'B' stands for. I have no choice but to mute and report you. [Eric reports and mutes Kyle.]
Eric: I hope you all have learned from that, well now I am off. Stan: Weak.
Timmy: TIMMY, TIMMY!
[Eric walks out of the Classroom.]
Setting: Inside the Hallway of the Varrock Castle
Stan: I can’t believe Eric became a P-Mod.
[Awkward pause.]
Stan: Ohh and I can’t believe that he actually muted you...any idea how long it lasts.
[Kyle uses “no” emote.]
Stan: Hopefully it doesn’t last too long cause this is pretty lame.
[Jimmy walks towards Stan and Kyle.]
Jimmy: Hey fella’s.
Stan: Hey Jimmy.
Jimmy: I thought you guys were going with Kenny to the Greater Demon’s.
[Kyle uses the shock emote.]
Stan: Oh shoot that was today? We were supposed to cut class and meet him there, do you want to come?
Jimmy: Naww sorry guys I gotta get back to mining - I’m saving up for a set of Rune.
Stan: Aww man a set of Rune would be so cool, my Mithril doesn’t protect me from anything.
[Stan and Kyle get their armour and run up to the wilderness.]
Setting: Greater Demons at Level 45 Wilderness
Stan: Kenny, you're still alive!
Kenny: [mumbles].
Stan: Don’t worry I brought plenty of food, here take some.
[Stan trades Kenny some tuna.]
Stan: Ok we should be good, Kyle you take him from the South. Kenny you come in from the East and I’ll attack from the North. Today will be the day that we finally kill this thing!
[Demon roars.]
Stan: Alright, are you guys in position?
Kenny: [mumbles].
[Kyle uses 'yes' emote.]
Stan: ATTACK!!!
[Greater Demon hits a 10 on Kenny.]
[Combined they hit 12 on the demon.]
[Demon hits 12 on Kenny.]
[Combined they hit 8 on the demon.]
[Demon hits 15 on Kenny, Kenny has 1hp left.]
Stan: Run and heal Kenny!!!!
[Combined they hit 14 on the demon.]
Stan: No Kenny, you know that your computer can't run in high-detail mode!!!!
[Demon hits 0 on Kenny.]
[Combined they hit 20 on the demon, the demon has 1 hp remaining.]
[Kenny heals 1, demon hits 1 on Kenny.]
[They kill the demon, Kyle gets credit for the kill.]
Stan: What did you get?
[Kyle uses dance emote, then uses horary emote.]
[Kyle puts on his brand new Rune large helmet.]
[Kyle suddenly logs out.]
Stan: Kyle?
Setting: Runescape Login screen
[Hits login.]
[Username = Zezima]
[Password = *************]
[Logs in, you can see PM’s scrolling by like Varrock world 1 chat.]
[Turns private chat to “friends” mode.]
(PM) Mr. Garrison: OMG you unblocked me.
(PM) Zezima: of course I did silly buns, I can’t stay mad at my 'Garrypoo'.
(PM) Mr. Garrison: Ohh you…what are you doing?
(PM) Zezima: Nothing much, just helping noobs as usual.
(PM) Zezima: Shoot, it looks like another noob is going to die from attacking Hans… when will they learn?
(PM) Mr. Garrison: Ok, I’ll leave you to your thing, but we should meet up tonight.
[Zezima kills Hans just before Hans takes another victim.]
Knife Man: Thank You Sir, he almost had me…do you have any phree stuff?
Zezima: Not a problem and you should know that begging isn’t the right thing to do.
Eric: Knife Man you have been reported for begging. [Eric reports Knife Man.]
Knife Man: But I only said one line!
Zezima: Yea it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.
Eric: Not a big deal? Zezima you have been reported for arguing with a moderator. [Eric reports Zezima.]
Zezima: Why would you do that?
[Eric walks into Lumbridge castle.]
Setting: Mr. Garrison’s Classroom in Varrock world 1, Stan is the only one inside. Stan: Where is everybody?
[Stan opens doors to go outside.]
Setting: Varrock square
[Varrock square is empty.]
[You can see a noob in the distance cutting down a tree.]
Eric: Knife Miner you have been reported for autoing. [Eric reports knife miner.]
Knife Miner: But I was just mining yew, I don’t see why?
Eric: These autoers are getting awfully intelligent. Stan: Eric, where is everybody?
Eric: You mean the filthy rule breakers? They are all banned…just like your friend Kyle.Stan: Kyle got banned!?!?!
Eric: Kyle, Kenny, Mr.. Garrison, Zezima, Jimmy, Timmy, all of your friends that you have came to know have been banned because they are all cheaters and they don’t follow the rules. Stan: You banned Jimmy…he was so close to his goal of full rune and you know he didn’t auto.
Eric: Are you arguing with a moderator? Stan: What?
Eric: Stan you have broken the rules, I have no choice but to report you. [Eric starts to type in the report.]
[Mod Andrew logs in.]
Mod Andrew: What’s going on here… where are all of the players? Eric: They were all rule breakers Mr. Andrew, every last one of them. Mod Andrew: Who cares? Everyone breaks the rules one time or another in this game. The only thing that really bugs me is people who complain about people doing things wrong when ultimately it’s their own fault for being so naive. Eric: What? Mod Andrew: I definitely don’t support rule-breaking, but it happens and when a player gets scammed or tricked they learn from it and they realize the error of their ways. At the time it’s a pretty lame deal, but it teaches people an important life lesson. So Eric I have no choice but to remove your P-Mod status and unban everyone who has ever been banned in Runescape. Eric: NOOOOO!!!!!!
[Mod Andrew unbans everyone who was ever banned in Runescape.]
[Varrock Square is filled and everyone is having fun.]
Stan: What about the autoers?
Mod Andrew: We are working on that, but some autoers are actually real people and its very difficult to make a system to catch real people autoing, but we will find a solution soon. Stan: Awesome.
Edited By: dr henry
Coded By: Donut Juice